I want but I can't :(

Today, I feel like dying. I wanna sent you a message but I can't in the end. My friend told me to do that but in the end I still can't do that. Oh mannnn. I'm hopeless -____-"

I just don't know how to start it. I want to start a good conversation with you but I always think I would bother you at all :((. Tell me at least, am I? :(

And another reason why I still can't send the mesagge is because I think you would feel that you are just my breakout moment. No! Don't think like that. As I said before, now I'm serious. Even I've done with 2 different guys, you still seek inside my heart. Oh mannnn. I'm sick of this! What should I do? I want but I can't! :(

WHY?

Why do I feel that you avoid me? :(

Please don't do this. If you feel that I bother you then I will keep silent.

AWKWARD...

I don't know what should I do. Every time I wanna talk with you, it feels like make my stomach hurt. Oh maaannnn. I even didn't meet you face to face. Just by MSN! But I don't know why it's hard to do :(. Really. I wanna talk with you. So many things I wanna talk with you. But, the most important problem between us is awkward. We're not talking for a long time. Yeah maybe sometimes we talk in FB (you commented my status :|) or in twitter. Don't you know? Got a mention from you is such a thing errrrr I can't describe it --"

May I be honest again? You know, it maybe I was still with my piggy. But, several times I met you though it only you wanna borrow my dvd and I borrow your flash disk, when I met you I still couldn't hold my heart beating fast. Just by meeting you, my breathe feels like wanna stop. Damn. I'm being a relationship with a guy but you still steal heart beat from me. I don't know why.

This is me. How about you? Do you ever feel just like I feel even for a little? And I wonder if I ever crossed your mind. Tell me :(

I even still remember when the first time you called me bao bei. It was on 26th December 2009. On that day I didn't know what's the meaning of bao bei. I even got angry with you, didn't wanna talk with you because you didn't wanna tell me the meaning :p. But then when I knew what's the meaning of bao bei, I felt so happy. I felt like wanna fly HAHAHA XD

Hey, do you remember all of these? I even can still feel how warm you hold my hands :(. Please. I wanna have a good relation again with you. Even not as a girlfriend, just as your friend which has a little meaning for you. I don't mind. As we used to :(. May I have that again? I know maybe you feel disappointed with me because I ever turned from you. But, you have to know that I wanna move on from you. But two times I've tried seems like I may not be with someone else, unless you. Ohh mannnn. My heart tells me like that! :|

And I just wonder, should I follow what my heart says? But everytime I tell my heart that maybe I should stop, it tells me to not. For now, I wanna start again from zero with you. I won't be same as I used to. I've been mature. And trust me, now I'm really serious with you. And how I really miss December 2009. I really wanna go back to that time :(